The Boy Crisis
How Boys Are Suffering in the Conventional Education System and What We Can Do About It
Joey and Max have just turned 4 years old and are both in daycare. Joey is dropped off first thing in the morning by his mom and he stays until close. Dad is in and out of his life. He’s a sensitive boy with the whole world on his shoulders. He loves creating art and can stay quite focused when coloring or making a craft. Max has high energy. He likes to learn, but his body needs to always move. He plays with ideas and asks a lot of questions. He also likes to observe the classroom and is one of the first children to tell you who is doing what and when. They have a group of boys they like to play with and although they are all friends, their need for physical play can turn into physical conflict quickly.
Like all children in a daycare environment, they are given guidance and boundaries that they are expected to follow both in and outside of the classroom. This keeps everyone’s bodies safe and encourages mindfulness, self-awareness, and accountability. The boys understand this but struggle to manage their innate need for physical play and exploration in a structured indoor educational environment.
Mealtimes are challenging. The boys move around, tip their chairs while eating, and are often told to sit up straight and calm their bodies. Circle time areas offer limited space and if a presentation is not engaging, the boys begin to fool around and disrupt the class while the girls look on annoyed while they tolerate the commotion. Free play can be a nightmare if activity spaces are tight and often the boys’ play spills out into other areas where they tease the girls and open more potential conflict zones. Teachers get tired of hearing themselves nag at the same boy who, “just won’t listen!” The boys become agitated and restless. Their confidence and ability to self-regulate plummets. They struggle to concentrate and often act out.
Outside, the boys smile as they play. They pick up rocks and sticks, dig holes, stack logs, run around, and discuss their next project. They are fully engaged and independent. A teacher chimes in to help them work out their differences in a healthy and effective way and they return to play. There are rules in the yard, some keep the children safe, others are more arbitrary or for licensing reasons: Holes can only be dug in the sandbox, no rocks in the playhouse, you can’t play on the sand pile in the corner, no climbing trees, no pretend sword or gun fighting, etc., etc., etc. I am surprised that they allow the boys to breathe. As the rules keep piling on, the boys’ bodies deflate, and hung heads sulk in the corner.
I work as an early childhood educator in the daycare system. I witness the detrimental effects the conventional education system has on children, particularly boys. While most girls seem to thrive in the social aspects of both indoor and outdoor learning and play, boys are stifled. It affects their self-confidence and their ability to develop real-world skills and behavioral patterns that will set them up for future success. The rates of ADHD and other behavioral diagnoses in boys are astounding and much higher than in girls. I believe our educational systems, which are often female-driven in daycares and preschools, are missing the mark on educating and guiding boys. We’re essentially expecting them to behave and process information like girls and act accordingly, yet we wonder why they are not listening and getting into trouble at school.
If this concerns you like it deeply concerns me, here are some things we can do about it:
Fewer Rules, More Boy-Centric Structure
Boys need work to do. They need structure. Having a purpose and a job to do makes them happy. Boys need to feel productive and when they are young, they need to do that physically. It helps them regulate mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Boys relate to the world on a physical plane. They connect to what is tangible first. They are fascinated with objects and things. When there are too many rules and boundaries, boys suffocate. They need the freedom to choose and the autonomy to face challenges and work out their differences.
Educational environments should be set up to facilitate the curious nature of boys. Instead of limiting boys to a sandbox, create a sandhill that has safety boundaries where they can dig to their hearts’ content and engage in dramatic play. This area will give them a challenging space to conquer instead of the constraints of a sandbox where many other children, including smaller toddlers, are likely to be playing. Encourage the collection of objects in the yard such as sticks and rocks while also providing the boys with space to stack them up, paint them, or build a structure of their own. If the play yard needs a clean-up, give the boys kid-sized rakes and wheelbarrows to help clean up.
Promote Outdoor Education
Boys need space to run, jump, hide, kick, roll, and joust. Often indoor classrooms are too crowded and small for this type of play. Boys and girls are typically better outside. Promote outdoor play as much as possible. If you dress them properly for the weather, they love it! There are also a thousand and one opportunities for learning outside, unlike the constraints of an indoor classroom. The outdoor environment is ever-changing and evolving. Take the children for walks to a park or through a forest on a short trail. Teach them about local plants and animals and show them new areas for play and learning.
Give Boys Space to Breathe and Figure Things Out
Yes, we are nagging boys. Don’t believe me? I see it all the time. Female teachers hang over them, direct them, yell at them, roll their eyes, scold them, and reprimand them with consequences that do not do a thing to encourage healthy behavior. We are driving them crazy and tired of repeating ourselves. Again, boys need work to do. If they are acting up or misbehaving, ask yourself why and give them a job to do. Boys will naturally gravitate towards problem-solving and self-regulation if you give them the space to figure it out with positive encouragement and gentle guidance.
Let Boys Be Boys
Not all boys want to engage in rough-and-tumble play, but most do. Learn to accept that many boys are drawn to danger and challenging situations. For millennia men have engaged in battle, hunting, and physical sport. It is innate for boys to want to sword fight and contend with their playmates. It helps them build confidence and physical prowess. Many daycares do not condone pretend gun fighting and that is understandable, but asking the boys to turn pretend sword fighting into fairy magic stick play is an unrealistic and ridiculous expectation. Allow boys to be boys. If everyone is safe and enjoying themselves, I don’t see anything wrong with sword play or any other competitive activity that boys engage in. It will only benefit them in the long term.
Boys Are Losing Their Sense of Self-Worth
We are evolving as a species both psychologically and spiritually. We are more self-aware and more in tune with our feelings. Self-help, therapy, and our increasing need to connect on a deeper level have infiltrated our society for the better, but these aspects of our humanity are feminine in nature. Boys are having a difficult time adapting to this new environment we have created. They are unsure how to behave and unsure where they fit into a world where living in a 900-square-foot box and sitting behind a desk in the city has become the norm and where the rules outweigh the structure. As we continue to move forward into the future, appropriately guided masculine energy must be a part of this evolutionary process to maintain equilibrium for a healthy society. We need men to understand that we value their input, innate abilities, and strengths. This begins with our boys.
Sarah Angell is a poet, blogger, and early childhood educator. You can find her on Instagram @rainydaypoetess or purchase her poetry books at www.therainydaypoet.com and on Amazon.
