Tired of Being Your Partner’s Mother?
No grown adult wants a nagging mother. They want a partner. If you are with a mature partner, they are going to take care of themselves. They won’t expect you to cook all the meals, do all the laundry, make the bed, clean the house, manage the finances, nor manage their emotions. Unless you have agreed to split the day to day responsibilities and you agree to do laundry and cook meals, you are essentially mothering your partner if you are doing it all. No respectful and mature partner is going to expect you to pick up after them.
We want to live in a world where we are empowered and independent, even within our relationships. Yet, so many of us still go into a maternal mode in our relationships. There is nothing wrong with caring for those we love, but doing something for our partners by our own will and doing something because our partner is falling short are two different things. Instead of advising you to leave your relationship or tell you a story about my experiences mothering my partners, I’m going to give you some advice on how to get your significant other to start acting like your partner instead of a teenager when it comes to household responsibilities.
Number One: Set your boundaries.
Let your partner know what you are willing to do and what you would prefer not to do. Make a list if you have to.
Number Two: Ask your partner what they are interested in doing.
Make a list of household tasks that you and your partner can choose from.
Number Three: Create a weekly calendar of tasks and set reminders.
This is a good way to get you both into a routine of doing chores.
Number Four: Be mindful.
Your partner might have more demands on their time with work, or you might spend more time running errands, managing the finances, etc. Try to balance out the workload so that neither of you will become resentful.
Number Five: Try to refrain from micromanaging your partner’s tasks.
If your partner has chosen their tasks, allow them to do them their way. If they ask for advice, then offer it, but don’t hang over their shoulder and act like a dictator.
Number Six: Choose some tasks to do together.
Choose some tasks that you both enjoy and do them together, such as preparing a meal or gardening together. It will bring you closer and allow you to appreciate each other’s efforts.
Number Seven: Be your partner’s confidant, but refrain from trying to manage their emotions or calm their temper.
If your partner expects you to manage their emotions, they are not emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship. You might want to consider couples therapy or ending the relationship. Otherwise, go back to Number One: Set your boundaries.
S. Angell is a published poet, writer, philosopher, video blogger, and preschool teacher by day. She explores an array of topics including love, life, death, history, and society from a philosophical perspective. You can find her on Instagram @therainydaypoetess or TheRainyDayPoet.com
